Angry Boys, Happy Yeti


I was first introduced to Chris Lilley sometime during high school. We didn’t meet face to face, but that’s when I watched Lilley’s Summer Heights High. Maybe it was because I was in high school or that I didn’t care for television as much as I do now, but I wasn’t hooked. Parts were enjoyable, (the Jonah segments) while others bored me (I’m probably the only one who couldn’t stand Ja’mie). Since I wasn’t a fan of every character it was easy to stop watching. If I had to guess, my interest lasted through four or five episodes. I just didn’t love it.

Well friends, it’s true what they say. 63222-o

Luckily patience is a virtue of mine. Seven years after dumping Chris Lilley we ended up together. As with most relationships, ours began through a mutual friend. A few months back an old friend (let’s call her “Callie”) was in town and wanted to catch up. We grabbed lunch on Venice beach and chatted for over four hours. You know. The “what have you been up to”, “can you believe what THEY’RE up to”, and frankly, some pretty deep stuff for 3 PM on a weekday. But among our festive chatter was the surprise that we both adored HBO’s new Silicon Valley. After swapping some hilarious Erlich and Jared quotes, Callie asks me if I’ve ever watched Angry Boys. I had never heard of it, but informed her of my lukewarm feelings about Chris Lilley’s previous shows. She urged me to give it a chance, and on a sunny Cali day, good vibes all around, with an old friend by my side, I said “sure, why the hell not?”.

Angry Boys depicts the lives of young men in our society from all different backgrounds. Out of the main cast, Lilley portrays most of the main characters. Where Summer Heights High fell flat, this new show succeeded. There wasn’t one Lilley persona that I wasn’t infatuated with. All six were a joy to behold.


Daniel and Nathan Sims are twin teenage brothers who live in rural Australia with their mum and step dad. Nathan is deaf while Daniel is the out spoken, potty mouthed opposite. Although Nathan is no saint himself. He has a penchant for middle fingering and having his testicles out in family photos. The story revolves mainly around these two and a party Daniel wants to throw for his brother before he goes to deaf school. I wasn’t even aware of such a thing as deaf school.


Ruth ‘Gran’ Sims is Daniel and Nathan’s grandmother. She works at a juvenille detention center for young boys as a correction officer. Her hobbies include karaoke, keeping up with a massive amount of guinea pigs, and pulling pranks. Gran legitimately cares for the boys in the camp and is one of the more touching characters on the show. Wonderfully played by Lilley, a testament to his ability to play such diverse characters.


S.Mouse may be the most ridiculous person I’ve ever seen. Lilley doesn’t hold back, with a great deal of black face and the overuse of the word “nigga”. S.Mouse was one of the biggest rap artists on the planet after his hit “Slap My Elbow”, but after some run ins with the law he’s been put on house arrest. What transpires is nothing short of priceless. He reminds me of more than a few people I went to high school with. If you don’t watch the show, at least Youtube the interactions between S.Mouse and his dad. So, so funny.


Jen Okazaki is, without a doubt, the worst mother in the world. She’s the mom of Tim Okazaki, the young, (allegedly) gay skateboard phenom. Along with being his mother, she’s his manager as well. Not only does Lilley play up the stereotype with Asian women, but also overbearing parents who attribute their children’s success to themselves. She has some of the funniest lines in the show, but is by far the most unlikeable. And, I hope, most unrealistic.


Blake Oakfield. The man, the myth, the legend. Blake’s a retired professional surfer. He’s also the leader of the Mucka Mad Boys, the local surf gang. Yes, it’s as humorous as it sounds. By far my favorite character on the show. During a gang fight he, unfortunately, had his testicles shot off (he’s able to withstand many nut shots), he starts a “Fat Kids Surf Camp”, and has a super hot wife (plus some cute kids). The definition of living the dream.

What separates the show from other laugh out loud comedies is the humanity Lilley gives each character (besides Jen. She’s just awful). Gran can be tough, and even cross the line at times, but she has so much love for the young men under her supervision. And it’s beautiful to see the gratitude they give right back. Blake gets into a bunch of trouble with rival surf gangs, but he loves his Mucka Mad Boys and he’ll do whatever it takes to show his family he loves them. Daniel, arguably the biggest prick of them all, reveals how much his brother means to him when all is said and done. It might be kind of “gay” (his words, not mine), but he admits how much he’ll miss his closest friend. Hell, even S.Mouse isn’t so bad. He knows what he was meant to do in life and he’s determined to see it through. For all the grief he gives his dad, their last scene in the finale had goosebumps coming out of the wood works. S.Mouse, you’re a good guy, brother.

Finding shows that incorporate comedy and, not drama, but heartfelt moments, are so rare. Scrubs is the gold standard for that type of television, Derek from Ricky Gervais was a pleasant surprise, and now we can add Angry Boys to the list. Like many surprises, this one was most unexpected. So thank you Callie, thank you Chris Lilley, and thank you Angry Boys. Good moods are hard to come by these days. Tears of joy even harder.



Festivus with Godzilla


In the words of the great Frank Costanza, I’ve got a lot of problems with you people! And now you’re going to hear about it. I say people, but I’m actually talking about a movie. I caught a Godzilla showing last Thursday, an hour before midnight. Knowing I had to wake up early for work the next day I still went to the screening. It’s Godzilla for goodness sake. As a boy raised by women, he was the male presence in my childhood. Well, him and Phil Harris. So it felt like an obligation to see this movie as soon as I could. *Sigh*. Let me make Frank proud and list my problems.

  • What the f*ck was up with Ken Watanabe?!

Seriously. Ken Watanabe has proven himself a capable actor. He’s been in some of my favorite films, hand picked by one of my favorite directors. He looked nauseous or sea sick throughout the whole film. Either that or he would just stare into the distance….even when he was on a submarine. It took me out of the film more times than I’d like to admit. The only worthwhile stare came when he dropped the “Let them fight” line. In a film with some atrocious acting (more on that soon) he was whatever the opposite of the “bees knees” is.

  • How dare you mishandle Bryan Cranston

Don’t read any further if you haven’t seen the film. It’s spoiler town. My gripe isn’t that they killed off Bryan Cranston’s character, but that they did it so soon. He was the only one the audience had a chance to connect with and you pulled his plug way too early. The two best (non-Godzilla) scenes in the film were when he lost his wife and when he was in the interrogation room. I had goosebumps twenty minutes into the film. Even worse, he was proven correct after all these years of being labeled as a conspiracy theorist, lunatic, whatever. I wanted so bad to see some sort of redemption. Then when you kill him off (perhaps directly from a Muto, not internal bleeding) the payoff would be so much better between him and Aaron Taylor-Johnson. You could have the whole “sorry I was obsessed with work and didn’t spend more time with you” father/son talk. For crying out loud when that army dude asks who Ken Watanabe needed, Watanabe pointed right at the injured Cranston. Man, was I pumped. Walter White working with Fake Ra’s Al Ghul. Next thing I know they’re zipping up his body bag. Ugh.

  • Not Aaron Taylor-Johnson or Elizabeth Olsen’s proudest moment

Elizabeth Olsen is so hot that I don’t care how useless she was in this film. She was there to scream and get wet in the rain. But ATJ was the bigger disappointment. Was it because he sounded exactly like Kick-Ass? What about his total lack of emotion in every scene, especially during his fathers death? Don’t get me wrong. I’m a huge Aaron Taylor guy. Loved both Kick-Ass films and I didn’t hate him in Savages. Are they the only films I’ve watched that he’s in? Absolutely. Relevant? Most likely. I’ll admit he had to carry the bulk of the film considering Cranston’s death and the hoarding of Godzilla footage. Being the terrible writer that I am, I can only say he didn’t do it for me. It’s a bad sign that I would start dozing off whenever he came on screen (I’ll concede it was approaching 1 A.M.). When they make sequels I’m hopeful they use a new cast with each movie. Why would I want to follow his storyline into another film?

  • It’s the little things

So you have a nuclear bomb that makes the one from the 50’s look like a firecracker. It’s drifting to sea on a tug boat for five minutes. YET IT ONLY LEAVES A LITTLE BIT OF DUST ON A NAPPING GODZILLA. The Dark Knight Rises had a more believable nuclear explosion than this movie. Also, we have one guy who knows how to disable a bomb. Let’s throw him off this plane and hope we some how meet up. THEN, when we do get the bomb, we’ll let him out of our site so he can go burn the baby Mutos. I wasn’t buying the general’s belief that the monsters food source would be their demise. He should have listened to the only logical thing Watanabe said and let them fight. Clearly Godzilla just woke up to whoop some ass. He wasn’t purposely smashing buildings. He was just trying to get to those punk monsters and serve them justice. Sometimes I don’t understand the military.


Having said all of that, I absolutely loved this movie. I know, it’s hard to tell from all the bitching above, but I truly did. Gareth Edwards is the best at creating monsters. Godzilla looked…monstrous. He appeared to carry a swagger with him, like he knew he was the star of the film. The fight scenes (as few as there were) were worth the wait. We were able to see Godzilla use his two most iconic movies and he even did the “walk of fame” back into the sea at the end of the film. All of the things I pointed out above are miniscul problems that are fun to complain about with friends after viewing, but of no major consequence. Edwards nailed Godzilla. And that’s all that matters. Watanabe can stare for an hour straight in the sequel (I’m expecting it) but if we see another bodacious fight scene at the end it’ll all be worth it. This is the most I’ve ever complained about a film that I absolutely adored. Just forget I even said anything. And lets be honest, who wants to have the feats of strength with Godzilla?

Light Cannot Be Chained : The Black Prism Review


Excess is a problem I deal with every day of my life. A first world problem perhaps, but a problem. When I discover a new song it’s thrown on repeat for the next two weeks. On the nights I make pasta I force feed myself the whole box. Apparently left overs are for the weak. It’s impossible to kill a half hour playing video games. I attempt one game of FIFA then the next thing I know it’s three in the morning and I’m cursing off this kid in France. In regards to those that I enjoy there is no moderation. It’s all or nothing. Unless we are talking about fantasy novels. For whatever the reason, I’m able to spread out my reading so I can savor every fantastical moment. That would explain why I only just now have read The Black Prism by Brent Weeks.

This is Brent Week’s first book from his Lightbringer series. His first series, the Night Angel trilogy, received positive reviews and earned Weeks many devoted fans. The premise revolved around the life and politics of being an assassin. I haven’t read it (mostly because I’m a little bored of the assassin trope), but I may have to give it a try after how much I enjoyed The Black Prism.

Gavin Guile is our lead character in the book. There are multiple point of view characters throughout, but everything runs through Gavin. He’s a high priest and emperor, while being the most powerful drafter in the world. They call him The Prism. First off, Weeks attempts to paint a distinct magic system. Drafters are those who can draft colors using Luxin. Luxin is, from my limited understanding, something that makes their color usage potent. It allows them to make red swords, shields, fireballs, arrows, etc. It’s the substance that is formed with their color. Each drafter can usually draft one color. Red drafters are usually angrier and more forceful. Green drafters focus more on life and are more prone to take chances. Also, to be able to draft you need to visibly see the color around you. Green drafters tend to make their homes in forests for this reason. Blue drafters prefer to be around water. You get the picture.

Now Gavin, The Prism, is able to draft ALL colors. This is what makes him so dominant. He can also do it much faster than most. It takes energy and will to draft something. These are the things that make him so special, so powerful. And yet he is like the pope or Queen Elizabeth. He doesn’t really matter much when it comes to politics. As powerful as Gavin is, he has agreed to be more of a symbol. They have representatives (ten to be exact) who make up the laws and regulations. Gavin’s sole job is to take out creatures known as “wights”. Wights are former drafters who have had too much Luxin build up after years of drafting. Prisms usually have a shorter life span than any one else. After being named The Prism, they normally live for only seven more years. If you survive beyond seven, then you have another seven years, and so on. For Gavin it’s been sixteen. This is almost unheard of and realistically he only has five more years left.

Woof. Chances are you didn’t follow most of that. And it’s okay. Weeks does a better job at it than I did but it’s still pretty confusing. His magic system is very detailed, much like Brandon Sanderson’s, but after reading all six hundred pages you start to get the feel of it. The magic system isn’t all that important anyways. Just know that Gavin has five years left to live….when he finds out he has a bastard son. All right settle down. Yes it’s another played out trope, but he makes it work. There is a HUGE twist revealed within the first hundred or so pages. It’s the most ambitious thing I’ve ever seen an author do. All I could think of was how difficult it must of been for the author to write the book after the reveal. It’s pretty cool.

So Gavin’s bastard son is named Kip. He’s fat, useless, and a coward. We’ve seen it all before in fantasy novels. Personally, I’m not a fan of Kip or his chapters. He makes way too many jokes about himself throughout the book. In the beginning I get it, he’s a self loathing young adult. He’s self conscious and awkward around girls. But you don’t have to beat me to death with this information. I picked it up right away. Still, I enjoy his inner fight regarding where his loyalties lie.

What I really enjoyed about the book was the Chromeria. It’s like a church/government for the drafters. Once the elite drafters reach that certain age where they die (or turn to wights, and become hunted by Gavin) they are killed in a religious manner by Gavin himself. They meet Gavin in a room, the two of them have a conversation, the drafter then confesses to Gavin (who in turn relays that information to their god), and then Gavin stabs them through the heart. As The Prism, Gavin has a one way connection to their god Orholam. He is the only one who can talk to him. The funny thing is….Gavin’s an atheist. Obviously the readers are the only one who know this, but it’s an interesting premise.

This makes the resistance (and their rebellious leader) even more intriguing. He doesn’t believe drafters should sacrifice themselves to the Chromeria for a false god. And he has an excellent point. The best part…I’m sure we’ll find out Gavin totally agrees with him. But that’s for something The Blinding Knife will have to decide.


Silicon Valley – “Third Party Insourcing”


As much as I love comedy it’s very rare for me to audibly laugh out loud. I’m talking really laugh out loud. Not chuckling or snickering, but full on laughter. The easy answer would be I’m lazy. I’m using energy to laugh, burning calories for goodness sake. It takes something special to make me crack-up. Safe to say last Sunday’s episode of Silicon Valley had something special and more.

The scene in question involved Erlich beating up some punk kid for picking on Richard. I’d suggest watching the episode for context, but you can even just YouTube it and still find it funny. It’s no secret how big a fan of T.J. Miller I am and that scene is exactly why. I guarantee that whole scene was Miller improving every line and movement. I’ve lost count of how many times I watched the episode this week, and for that part alone.

The focus of this episode though, is Richard and his lack of self confidence. The gang explores the idea of bringing in outside help (The Carver) to help them with Cloud. Richard takes that as them not believing in his abilities. He ends up letting “The Carver” do too much which leads to him blowing up their system or something. I’m terrible with technical jargon. Luckily, with the help of Adderall, every thing was fixed in the end. All in all I thought it was a great learning experience for Richard. He should know now that he has the full support of his guys. They know how smart and capable he is. More importantly, they trust him to the end.

Dinesh and Gilfoyle’s relationship just keeps getting better. Tara, Gilfoyle’s girlfriend, is in town, and apparently she has the hots for Dinesh. Dinesh spends the majority of the episode weighing the pros and cons of sleeping with Tara (there are quite a few more cons than pros). In the end it was obviously a prank (well, a joke when Gilfoyle was really high) on Dinesh. Another classic episode for the Pakistani Denzel.

Oh yeah, Jared gets abducted by one of Peter Gregory’s smart cars. It wasn’t funny. It was absolutely terrifying. I’m not joking. There’s a less than zero percent chance I ever use a smart car. Poor, poor Jared.

Funniest Quotes

“I pound mellow yellow, Oreos, and Adderral and I don’t sleep until I’m done.” – The Carver

“Decomposing. Oh, ohhh okay. That was dark.” – Jared after making an Amy Winehouse joke

“Jesus Christ man I can barely stand next to you when you’re in your towel.” – Dinesh when offered sex with Gilfoyle’s girlfriend

“You just brought piss to a shit fight you little cock!” – Erlich


God that last line brings me so much joy….and laughter. This show never lets me down. Can’t wait for the next episode. Oh wait…it’s on tonight. Sa-weet.

“Next One’s Coming Faster”: My Month With Justified


“Truth always sounds like lies to a sinner.”

– Boyd Crowder

Is there a better feeling than enjoying something you’d never expect to have interest in? Whether it be a new band or singer, falling unexpectedly in love with a city, or becoming deeply invested in a TV show that focuses on a gunslinger from Kentucky.

Justified is the saga of Raylan Givens, who grew up in a family of criminals and because of that, became a U.S. Marshal. There is clearly outlaw blood in Raylan, and the beauty of the show is seeing him juggle his upholding of the law while fighting the urge to break it. His father Arlo was once one of the biggest criminals in Harlan County (as much a character in Justified as New Mexico was in Breaking Bad). Raylan and Arlo have the worst relationship I’ve ever seen between a parent and child. And this is coming from someone who has seen The Sopranos! The utter disgust Raylan shows for any and all fugitive is delicious to see, but yet intriguing at the same time because of how similar he is to them. And none more so than Boyd Crowder.

If Justified was an actual person, Boyd Crowder would be its heart (and maybe its cool hairdo). Played magnificently by Walter Goggins, Boyd has become Raylan’s ultimate adversary. They were best friends back when they worked in the coal mines together during their teens, only to take two wildly different paths. Raylan”s path has been pretty straight forward. Become a U.S. Marshal and uphold the law. Boyd has taken a much more interesting road. We meet him as a bomb loving, bank robbing neo-nazi, then witness him take up god and religion only a few episodes later. Boyd Crowder is the ultimate chameleon and you never know if what he’s preaching is genuinely him or a one over he’s trying to pull. As much as I enjoy Timothy Olyphant, it’s because of Walter Goggins and Boyd Crowder that people keep coming back.

This really is a show unlike many others in the golden age of television we seem to be living in. Each season is its own story. There’s a new “big bad” with ever new year, usually a one off storyline that get’s wrapped up nicely during the finale, and each season has its own distinct feel.

  1. Season 1 gave us mostly Raylan (and Boyd near the end) vs Papa Crowder and the Miami thugs. Still one of my favorite season finales of all time. Admittedly the beginning of the season was pretty weak. Justified tends to do episodes that have little side stories. A “case of the day” for Raylan and his U.S. Marshal co-workers. Normally I find these episodes to be tedious, reminding me of lesser television dramas from before HBO showed us what real television could be. But for Justified it works. Again, I would never expect to enjoy it, yet I can’t deny the appeal.
  2. The strongest of the show, Season 2 introduces us to the Bennet family. Mags Bennet (one of the deepest villains I’ve watched on television) and her sons were incredibly fun to watch. This season had Boyd changing once again, southern politics (absolutely loved the scenes with the mining company trying to take over the small town), and gave us the hilarious Dickie Bennet. Season 2 was also where I realized that this show was genuinely funny. Certainly the funniest drama I’ve ever seen (unless we count Louie as a drama).
  3. Ah. The fan favorite season. We meet two “big baddies” this season in Robert Quarles and Ellstin Limehouse. Both totally different and equally as captivating. Especially Robert Quarles. It doesn’t get much more charismatic than that guy. He wears his personality on his sleeve (insert spoiler arm pun here) and it’s a joy to watch. Quarles, the Detroit mob thug, tries to set up business in small town Harlan making enemies with every one from Raylan to Boyd to even Limehouse himself. It may not hold up to the pinnacle that is Season 2, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t fun.
  4. Season 4 is where I started to really respect the show. They took a major risk in changing the tone by making the whole season predicated on a mystery. You can feel the difference from the first episode. There are flashbacks, secret identities, unsolved murders from thirty years ago. It’s like they snorted a Twin Peaks drug. They may not have made perfection, but I give all the credit to the show runners for trying something different. Too many shows rehash the same ground and become stale (looking at you Sons of Anarchy).
  5. The latest season gave us the Crowe family. A Florida based group that moves up to Harlan because their cousin Dewey lives there. In reality, they’re just a watered down version of the Bennet clan. Unequivocally Justified’s worst season, but it all leads to what we’ve been waiting for. It sets up the sixth (and final) season to be a showdown between Raylan and Boyd.

The show certainly isn’t without its faults. There are quite a few plot holes I’ve had to roll my eyes at (why is a U.S. Marshal always in Harlan, Kentucky?!), the green screen usage is TERRIBLE, the show has trouble fleshing out side characters (specifically Tim and Rachael, Raylan’s U.S. Marshal co-workers), and as I’ve said before, the mini-story line’s in some episodes become tedious. But when it comes down to it, I don’t care. As long as Raylan Givens and Boyd Crowder are on that screen, my eyes will be glued to it.

I don’t know why I took the chance on Justified. The western genre never totally appealed to me. Yes, I adored Deadwood, and that’s a huge reason why I gave this show a chance (I needed more Olyphant!), but other than that, gunslingers and outlaws never interested me. Southern culture in general disgusts me. It may be a generalization but I only think of guns and confederate flags when thinking of the southern states. As a liberal the show never appealed to me. Fortunately the show exposes the people of the south for what they are. Gun loving, simple minded, law breaking idiots. But also as caring, family oriented, community first, good people. I’ll never live south of Pennsylvania, but I’ll admit the show has softened my opinion of southern folk (while also confirming them).

It appears Season 6 will be the end of it all. I’m always in favor of shows that have an ending in mind. More importantly, we finally get the Raylan vs Boyd finish we’ve not so secretly been waiting for. Will Raylan catch (or kill) his white whale? Will fan favorite Boyd live on beyond the end of the series? Perhaps both of our main characters will meet the same, ugly fate. Of course, if we know one thing about Harlan, Kentucky it’s this…



We All Must Take Our Drink


Man’s worst fear is the inability to control a given situation. And sure, you could assume I’m talking about life. One could make the case that we don’t control our lives. We leave it up to fate. Or destiny. That’s a scary, albeit exciting thought. I don’t believe that. We make choices every day that affect our lives. We, as people, as conscious living things, do that. No. To me, the most uncontrollable situation of all, is the opposite of life. It’s death. Dying. The Sacrament.

From the moment we’re born, we become a ticking clock. The same goes for our three main characters as they enter Eden Parish. Armed guards? Check. No cell phone service? Check. In the middle of fucking no where? Triple Check. They may not realize their lives are in danger, but there is building panic. With any new experience you’re going to feel uncomfortable. It’s new, not what you’re used to. Eden Parish certainly fits into that category. There’s no technology. One (rather pathetic) medical center that’s, oh by the way, supposed to aid over sixty seniors and a handful of infants. There has to be a point where you acknowledge how distressing the situation is. Jake said it best when he admits the parish would be a great place to take a month detox. But as a liveable society? It’s unsustainable.

This film reminded me of Kevin Smith’s Red State. And each time I came away thinking how dangerous faith can be. I’m not about to go on full rant mode, but I’ve always thought faith had more negatives than positives. If you weigh the positives and negatives of religious belief, I’ll argue the negatives (even if you think there are few) are so devastating, the positives aren’t worth it. And in The Sacrament you definitely witness that. But I think more importantly, and more dangerous, is the belief in man. Those poor people in Eden Parish weren’t corrupted by a god, or religion really, but a man. Father. He took advantage of them when they were in a dark place. Sure, he may have used religion as a tool, but it was just the hammer of the evil carpenter. Humans do horrible things. It’s proved itself true over thousand of years. And when you put your faith in a person, or worse, if groups of you put faith in them, terrible things can and have happened.

If I were a character in that story, would I have put my faith in Father? I’d like to think not. That’s the fun when watching horror films. And that’s where the terror comes from. Putting yourself in their shoes. What would you do in that situation? You’re stuck in the middle of no where. The man you call Father was quite persuasive years before and you committed to his vision. Now it’s months or years later and you’re stuck in a brainwashed community. If you bring up leaving you’ll certainly be beaten, killed even. Can you imagine having a gun pointed at your head and being forced to drink punch? What would you do? That’s horrifying. A situation that you have minimal to no control over. There’s a scene near the end (SPOILER ALERT) where a panicked mother knows she and her daughter will be gunned down in moments. Drunk with bewilderment, the mother slits the throat of her young daughter. What’s going on in her mind? Not the mother. The daughter. The fake blood and make up aren’t what bothered me. It’s being in that girl’s position knowing my mother is about to end my existence and I’m helpless to do anything. That’s what keeps me up at night.

I haven’t talked much about the film, in a technical sense at least. And that’s mostly because I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about most of the time. I am, remember, the man who claims Semi-Pro is better than The Big Lebowski. Come at me, bro! But in all seriousness, this was really well made. The camera style is a bit worn out in films(specifically horror), but they made it feel original. I appreciated the rotation between Jake and Patrick’s cameras. The acting, especially by the parish folk, was outstanding. It felt like a real documentary in that sense. They nailed the brainwashed townsfolk vibe. I would have no problem believing every one in that Eden Parish actually died. Our three journalists did a fine job carrying the film. The best scene was the interview. between Sam and Father. They had great chemistry with each other. And a hell of a job by Gene Jones. Where Michael Parks carried Red State, I think Gene Jones had an even better performance. He’s only been working for about ten years surprisingly (according to IMDB). This is my first glimpse of what Ti West can do. Needless to say I’m blown away. Also not shocking, he has some sort of affiliation with Eli Roth. These days, Eli Roth produces more content I enjoy than he directs. Promising start for Mr. West. I’m on the bandwagon. The West bandwagon!

Horror films are the most subjective of movies. Even more so than comedy. We all have different fears. The film still has to have quality content. Just because I have a fear of sharks does not mean I was frightened during Open Water. No, the filmmaker still has to put together a movie worth watching. But if you want to unease your viewer, if you want to have them in despair days after viewing, the content has to strike a chord. And I can firmly say, as a weak minded individual, who at times is looking for answers from wherever they may come, The Sacrament horrified me.




Some of the most overlooked songs play once a movie ends. Oh sure, now every one stays after to see some sort of Marvel Easter egg. But I’m not talking about those Disney movies. If you’re leaving the movie with goosebumps, you know it did its job. Take the latest Hobbit film for example. Right after the screen goes dark, we are hit in the face with this beauty of a track by Ed Sheeran. If the movie wasn’t enjoyable enough (for me it was), this end credits song put it over the top. These five aren’t the only post credits songs on the list, but they are all bunched together. And that makes them a crew. Let’s take a listen, shall we?

115. Where The Dream Takes You – Atlantis: The Lost Empire

Strangely enough, I don’t think this song matches the tone of the film at all. I mean yes, it’s about a dream taking you someplace. I’m guessing they mean Atlantis. Okay, fine. I’ll allow it. More importantly, Mya kills it. She could be singing about murdering all the inhabitants of Atlantis and I’d still be nodding my head from side to side. Her voice is the definition of soothing. Whatever happened to Mya? Was this song before or after “Lady Marmalade”? I’m hoping for a comeback, but if not, we’ll always have this smooth jam.

114. True To Your Heart – Mulan

There’s only one way 98 degrees can top N’SYNC. And that’s if they add Stevie Wonder to their gang. Is this the weirdest musical pairing ever? It’s still probably David Bowie and Bing Crosby, but this has to be top five. Also, please watch the entire music video. I yearn for all out “weird” in music videos. Someone bring back The Box! I’m more upset about their cancellation than Firefly. I would go back to paying ridiculous amounts of money for cable if they revived The Box. And/or “Whose Line Is It Anyways” WITH Drew Carey. Until then…internet only. 98 degrees doesn’t have much to be proud of, but I’ll be damned if this isn’t great music.

113. The Time Of Your Life – A Bug’s Life

Possibly Pixar’s most underrated film, A Bug’s Life gives us our second big dose of Randy Newman. It’s weird. No matter what Randy Newman is singing, I start thinking about Toy Story. I’ve got to take (imaginary) points off their score. I mean, that can’t be a positive can it? Maybe for the Toy Story franchise, but not for our favorite bug movie……………. Nobody? Not one person is going to stick up for Antz? It has Stallone! Ah, screw you guys.

112. No Way Out – Brother Bear

When I set out to make this list, it was so I could bring attention to smaller songs and movies people might not be aware of. This is one of those movies. It has everything you would want from a Disney flick. Joy. Sorrow. Pain. Relief. Redemption. Vengeance. Understanding. I don’t have a deep vocabulary, but you get the gist. It also is the second Disney film Phil Collins highjacked. “No Way Out” is in the sorrow and pain category of this film. It depicts the protagonists low times and nails it. The first comment on the video’s Youtube page is “DEM FEELS!!!!”. Truly, I could not have said it better.

111. Something That I Want – Tangled

First off, this fan made music video is top notch. Well done, sir or madam. Second, this is my favorite post credits song of all time. It may not be the most popular, but for me, it’ll never be topped. It is impossible not to enjoy your day while this song plays. Go ahead. Take your wheels for a ride and pop it in. You will not regret it. It’s my go to whenever the world is throwing too many “first world problems” my way. There’s just something so uplifting about it. This song is not something that I want. It’s something that I need.

Well that was….something? For as low a ranking I gave them, I enjoy these five songs immensely. I’ll just always give the nod to songs that are in the movie. Doesn’t take away from these babies. So next time you decide to skip the credits just remember, you might be missing the next great musician mash-up (I’m predicting Tyler the Creator and Blake Shelton collaborate on the next Pixar film).  We’re going old school for 110-106.