DISNEY COUNTDOWN 115-111 “THE POST CREDITS CREW”

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Some of the most overlooked songs play once a movie ends. Oh sure, now every one stays after to see some sort of Marvel Easter egg. But I’m not talking about those Disney movies. If you’re leaving the movie with goosebumps, you know it did its job. Take the latest Hobbit film for example. Right after the screen goes dark, we are hit in the face with this beauty of a track by Ed Sheeran. If the movie wasn’t enjoyable enough (for me it was), this end credits song put it over the top. These five aren’t the only post credits songs on the list, but they are all bunched together. And that makes them a crew. Let’s take a listen, shall we?

115. Where The Dream Takes You – Atlantis: The Lost Empire

Strangely enough, I don’t think this song matches the tone of the film at all. I mean yes, it’s about a dream taking you someplace. I’m guessing they mean Atlantis. Okay, fine. I’ll allow it. More importantly, Mya kills it. She could be singing about murdering all the inhabitants of Atlantis and I’d still be nodding my head from side to side. Her voice is the definition of soothing. Whatever happened to Mya? Was this song before or after “Lady Marmalade”? I’m hoping for a comeback, but if not, we’ll always have this smooth jam.

114. True To Your Heart – Mulan

There’s only one way 98 degrees can top N’SYNC. And that’s if they add Stevie Wonder to their gang. Is this the weirdest musical pairing ever? It’s still probably David Bowie and Bing Crosby, but this has to be top five. Also, please watch the entire music video. I yearn for all out “weird” in music videos. Someone bring back The Box! I’m more upset about their cancellation than Firefly. I would go back to paying ridiculous amounts of money for cable if they revived The Box. And/or “Whose Line Is It Anyways” WITH Drew Carey. Until then…internet only. 98 degrees doesn’t have much to be proud of, but I’ll be damned if this isn’t great music.

113. The Time Of Your Life – A Bug’s Life

Possibly Pixar’s most underrated film, A Bug’s Life gives us our second big dose of Randy Newman. It’s weird. No matter what Randy Newman is singing, I start thinking about Toy Story. I’ve got to take (imaginary) points off their score. I mean, that can’t be a positive can it? Maybe for the Toy Story franchise, but not for our favorite bug movie……………. Nobody? Not one person is going to stick up for Antz? It has Stallone! Ah, screw you guys.

112. No Way Out – Brother Bear

When I set out to make this list, it was so I could bring attention to smaller songs and movies people might not be aware of. This is one of those movies. It has everything you would want from a Disney flick. Joy. Sorrow. Pain. Relief. Redemption. Vengeance. Understanding. I don’t have a deep vocabulary, but you get the gist. It also is the second Disney film Phil Collins highjacked. “No Way Out” is in the sorrow and pain category of this film. It depicts the protagonists low times and nails it. The first comment on the video’s Youtube page is “DEM FEELS!!!!”. Truly, I could not have said it better.

111. Something That I Want – Tangled

First off, this fan made music video is top notch. Well done, sir or madam. Second, this is my favorite post credits song of all time. It may not be the most popular, but for me, it’ll never be topped. It is impossible not to enjoy your day while this song plays. Go ahead. Take your wheels for a ride and pop it in. You will not regret it. It’s my go to whenever the world is throwing too many “first world problems” my way. There’s just something so uplifting about it. This song is not something that I want. It’s something that I need.


Well that was….something? For as low a ranking I gave them, I enjoy these five songs immensely. I’ll just always give the nod to songs that are in the movie. Doesn’t take away from these babies. So next time you decide to skip the credits just remember, you might be missing the next great musician mash-up (I’m predicting Tyler the Creator and Blake Shelton collaborate on the next Pixar film).  We’re going old school for 110-106.

A New Hope for Star Wars : Cast Breakdown

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It would be fair to say Star Wars Episode 7 was not in my top 20 “Most Anticipated Movies” a day ago. I can bang out twenty right now…

  1. Godzilla
  2. X Men DOFP
  3. X Men Apocalypse
  4. Avengers 2
  5. Avengers 3
  6. Batman vs Superman
  7. Justice League
  8. Interstellar
  9. Guardians of the Galaxy
  10. Ant Man
  11. Pitch Perfect 2
  12. TMNT
  13. Fast 7
  14. Raid 3 (I don’t know if it’s been confirmed but this will permanently be on my list until it IS made)
  15. Incredibles 2

Shit. That’s only fifteen. But still, you get the point. Hell, TMNT is on that freaking list! It’s going to be awful. We know this. Yet that should say how detached I was to the new Star Wars trilogy. They felt unnecessary (as do the stand alone films they’ll be putting out. Well, not the Boba Fett one. But a Yoda origin story? Puhlease.), and as much as I’d like to see Luke, Leia, and Han back, I also didn’t want to see them tarnished. But after today’s announcement, my whole perspective was flipped on its head.

Let me start by saying this. For whatever reason, I have faith that Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, and Harrison Ford aren’t going to phone these performances in. Especially Ford. He was always a question mark to me. It seemed like he always preferred Indiana Jones to Han Solo. And we saw all the good the passion for that character did him in the fourth installment. Han Solo will be less difficult to….maintain. There’s not as much physical activity with Han. As long as you can get those smart ass quips timed up and keep your suave, non nonchalant stature, he’ll be fine. We are also hearing that the first movie in the trilogy will be heavy on the Han. Hopefully the story focuses on our younger actors (and from what I’ve heard it will in the eighth and ninth films), not because I dislike Ford or Solo, but because stories need to go on.

I have unwavering confidence in Mark and Carrie (first name basis much), but I have no clue why. Can you picture them wanting to let fans down? I sure can’t. Especially Mark Hamill. If it wasn’t enough being Luke Skywalker, he’s also one of the most successful Jokers ever. Fans adore this man. I’ve heard they’ll have personal trainers. Clearly they don’t need to be jacked, just as long as they don’t look like Billy Dee Williams.

All that stuff is great and assuring, but let’s get to the goods. Today the cast for Star Wars episode 7 was released and you could say it made some waves. The original cast will be back (Hamill, Fisher, Ford along with Mayhew, Daniels, and Baker) but I want to talk about the newbies. Because they were the ones to get me back into the hype machine that is Star Wars EPISODE 7!!!!! Oh boy. Let’s talk about them shall we?

John Boyega

Donald Sterling is having the worst day ever, no? A fan favorite from the glorious “Attack the Block” (watch this film. Listen to the soundtrack. Both outstanding.), Boyega was rumored for a while to be in this film. Am I depressed he may have beaten out Jesse Plemons? Not a chance. Well, maybe a little. I love me some Landry. But not really. Boyega is going to be a star and deservedly so. I’m assuming he will be the main protagonist throughout the trilogy. Honestly, as long as I hear a “bruv” in there I’m all for it.

Daisy Ridley

I’m not even posting a picture. We’ll be seeing enough of this girl for YEARS to come. This girl. I don’t think she’s ready for what’s ahead. She will be every “nerds” wet dream. Not even nerds. Every one’s go to “IT” girl. I mean come ON, Han and Leia’s daughter (speculation)?! She is going to go down in pop culture lore. Probably the biggest no name out of this (allegedly) no name cast. She’s beautiful and that’s really the only thing that matters to me.

Actually that’s not true. It’s been brought up how there seems to be a lack of female characters. It’s just her and Carrie. And I agree, it’s sad. I will say if that’s what the story or script calls for then so be it. You don’t have to change it just to add a female (or black or gay or whatever) character in. Having said that, I truly hope she doesn’t just end up being a romantic device. Enough of this. Why can’t she have her own story to tell as a character that doesn’t involve being rescued by the male protagonist, then in turn falling for each other. Hey, I get it. It’s Disney. They gave us Simba and Nala. Sometimes we want more Mulan. Wait? That guy who trained her came back at the end? Dammit…

Adam Driver

giphyMr. Kennedy sent him to space all right. I have an unfair love for Adam Driver. My face was about to explode with joy when I heard the Nightwing rumors. If there were any truths to that rumor we now know why it wasn’t meant to be. He is the only reason I debate watching Girls. So far I haven’t caved to that monstrosity of a show, but it’s getting harder and harder. This is by FAR my favorite casting….

Oscar Isaac

 

Woah. Hold the phones. Oscar Isaac is going to be in Star Wars? Oscar fucking Isaac?! The man who lead the best film of last year? The man who holds the title still for “Best Beard”. No one has taken it from him yet. This took me by utter surprise. I’m still a bit speechless. I think the most appealing part of this casting is how up in the air his character is. He could be good or evil. Jedi or a Han Solo/Lando type. It’s mysterious and I love every second of it. It doesn’t get better than this folks. There’s no way to top th…

Andy Serkis

Andy-Serkis_320Jesus H Christ. Is this a joke? Is this a weirdly awesome joke? Give credit where credit is due. J.J. Abrams can cast some shit. Well, technically I should give credit to April Webster and Alyssa Weisberg. They’ve casted all of J.J’s stuff from LOST to Stark Trek to Super 8. And now these glorious few. Serkis I assume will be used as a motion capture actor as per his previous few works (Gollum, Caesar), but I’m pulling for him to have a…”regular” acting role. You know what I mean. The last one I can remember him in was from Nolan’s “The Prestige”. Either way I’m glad to have him aboard. “The Lord of the Rings” are my Star Wars so this news tickled my fancy all right.

Domhnall Gleeson

 

Watch that video. This guy is talented. And surprisingly hilarious. Who knew Bill Weasley was funny? Not sure what his role will be in this but he has that “Luke” feel to him. Plus his hair was touched by fire. Anyways, watch “About Time” from last year. A gem that went under the radar and has one of the best “Son/Dad” scenes I’ve watched in a long time.

Max von Sydow

At last we get to the legend. That’s what I’m reading at least. He’s been in a bunch, most notably “The Exorcist” and The “Seventh Seal”, but I’ll always know him as the guy who made me cry in “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close”. Probably the best bet to play a Sith Lord. Driver is probably the up and coming bad boy but this is the big dog. Actually I have no clue. I could equally see him as a mentor. An evil mentor…. Ah no. Just glad to have him here. A bit worried about the age. If I’m not mistaken (probably am) I believe they are filming back to back to back. Hopefully they can squeeze in filming before he leaves us, as terrible as that sounds. It’s not on the GRRM scale, but it would suck to have to replace Sydow. Can you even replace him?

Well there it is. I’m fucking pumped. I’ve heard over and over again how we have a bunch of no names, and that’s true to an extent, but I think we have more “cult favorites” than no names. These people have been around and performed well (besides Daisy), it’s just no one has seen it yet. But rest assured they will. I’m glad Disney/JJ took this route. They have the luxury of casting these actors because it is Star Wars. It doesn’t really matter who is in the cast. People will go because it’s a SW film. Yes it certainly helps to have the original three back. But I would have went regardless. Long story, short: they used actors that I personally am a fan of, which in turn has me psyched for this new trilogy. It would seem I’m not the only one to be rejuvenated. Now I just need to survive until 2015…

 

Disney Countdown 120-116 “The Bottom Dwellers”

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120. Perfect Isn’t Easy – Oliver and Company

This list would have no merit if there wasn’t any Bette Midler. And what an entry she submits with “Perfect Isn’t Easy”. I’ll admit it’s not my favorite song from the film, but there’s no denying how catchy it is. Georgette was my first introduction to all the self absorbed women I would eventually meet in my life. At least she had the ability to bang out a ballad. I tend to put this into the “villain song” category. The song itself doesn’t scream “evil” but Georgette is the ultimate Disney bitch. “Perfect Isn’t Easy” is a perfect introduction to the character. Having said that, it’s still not good enough to crack the top 100. Maybe if Tito had made this list but alas…

119. I Thought I Lost You – Bolt

I know what you’re thinking. How did a Miley/Travolta duet not make the top 50? What? Nobody is asking that? Well it certainly went through my head. I’ll be the first to admit it. Miley Cyrus is my future wife. Who will unquestionably cheat on me with as many people as possible, but still. She’s incredibly sexy. John Travolta has been a singing god ever since I heard “Summer Lovin”. Long story short, it was hard to listen to this in an unbiased manner. “I Thought I Lost You” is a fun song at the end of a sub par Disney flick. I went into “Bolt” with pretty low expectations and got pretty much what I expected. It’s an interesting plot that kept me invested, but not many laughs and what seemed like a disinterested cast. Also, Susie from “Curb Your Enthusiasm” played a major character. It was impossible to take her seriously. I kept waiting for the words “bald”, “fat”, or “fuck” to pop out of her mouth. The flick’s worth a Netflix (Brazil) watch. If you’re a fan of Miley and Travolta then you’ll approve of this duet. If not, get the hell off of this blog.

118. Robin Hood and Little John Oo-De-Lally – Robin Hood

If there was an award for “Song Stuck in Matt’s Head the Most” this would be it. When I ran track in my high school days I had a friend who would sing Salt n Pepa’s “Push It” to himself while he ran. I decided to put my own twist on it and sing “Robin Hood and Little John Runnin Through the Forest” over and over again. Still do it as of this day. The downfall to this song is that it’s only about fifty seconds long. You’re going to need more substance than that if you want to compete with the big dogs. Also, for being a song that prides itself on getting stuck in ones head, it’s not even the most addictive tune from this movie. As we will certainly find out later…

117. My Funny Friends and Me – The Emperors New Groove

Talk about star power! First Bette Midler, then Miley/Travolta, and now Sting. We also have our first Oscar nominated song. Personally I don’t think “My Funny Friends and Me’ is all that great. Especially since Sting is the one who is singing it. I have much higher expectations for the man who gifted us “Every Breath You Take”. And THIS is the song that gets nominated for an Oscar. Meh. But I will say this. It’s the perfect song to describe Kuzco and Pacha’s relationship. They were the heart of the movie (a let down of a movie for Disney standards, but still) and hearing this as the credits roll did give me goosebumps. I don’t want to say that the Oscar nomination solely got this baby on my list………..but it kind of did.

116. Trashin The Camp – Tarzan

We get our first song from Tarzan: The Phil Collins Experience. You want scat? You want doo wop? You get “Trashin the Camp”. I honestly couldn’t tell the difference between the Phil Collins version and the version where NSYNC sings with him…so I merged them. The scene in the movie is pretty funny. Chimp Rosie O’Donnell and friends mess up Clayton’s camp while making sweet, sweet music. I will admit to having a soft spot for the song mainly because it’s the perfect song to do drunken (like there’s any other kind) karaoke to. Even more so if you’re like me and cannot sing for squat. If I’m not mistaken, Rosie O’Donnell can’t be on any Top 100 list ever. So that may also be holding this song back.


So we’re off to the races here at the Disney countdown. Five songs that I would most likely skip if they were shuffled onto my Itunes. Just kidding. “I Thought I Lost You” is a gem of a song and I don’t care who knows it. Next time we find out songs 115-111.

 

DISNEY DEATHMATCH!!!!!!! (sorta)

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I don’t want to freak you out, but I had three parents growing up. There was my father of course. He taught me the fatherly things in life (shaving, throwing baseballs, “men don’t cry” talks). My mother was there to comfort me when I did cry and dry my eyes before the old man found out. And finally there was my third parent. As you are probably assuming this “parent” did not come in the form of a human. Nay. Instead it came in the form of VHS tapes with cool packaging. One day it would come in the form of “The Lion King”. The next, “Oliver and Company”. Unlike my flesh creators, my third parent would actually sing to me. Oh the songs I would hear throughout my childhood.

Listen, I’m sure this isn’t news to any of you. I get it. You’ve all had that same third parent. But the thing that separates me (and also makes me much more pathetic) is that I still listen to all of these songs. Religiously. Check my Spotify. You would assume I was one of your friends from high school who had a kid too early and now had to make a Disney Spotify playlist for them. Sadly, no. I’m just a twenty five year old male who bought, BOUGHT, the Frozen soundtrack. I know how to pirate music. I’ve done it for at least the past eight years. This was me choosing to pay for music. The music happened to be on a soundtrack to a movie that was geared towards toddlers. There was a time when I was self conscious about it. But those days are long gone. This is who I am for better or worse. Mostly worse obviously. And I’m not trying to brag about this. Not at all. What I’m trying to do….is make a list. A list of the greatest Disney animated songs.

So there it is, out in the open. I’m going to attempt to make a list of the best songs that the Disney animated world has produced. Do I believe myself qualified to make this list? Absolutely not. But I’ve also seen so many bogus fucking lists floating around on the subject that I felt an urge to weigh in. There are so many hidden gems out there that nobody ever mentions. Don’t get me wrong, they usually put the best of the best out there. Every one knows that “I Just Can’t Wait To Be King” will be around the top. I’m here to rank those smaller songs that I guarantee you’ve heard but have forgotten as the years passed by. In no way will I admit to getting the actual rankings correct. One hundred and twenty songs will make up my list. You heard me right, 120. That’s a shit ton of songs. And I had to make a butt ton of cuts, too. I did a lot of my picking and choosing on 4/20 of all days so…that should say something as well. All I know is that I owe it to my third parent to make this list. After all they’ve done for me. Oh, and that this will be fun. Really fucking fun. On to the rules then…

  • Must be an animated feature

I will only be ranking songs that are in a Disney movie that is animated. My apologies to “Mary Poppins”. So, so sorry “High School Musical” franchise. I wanted you in there “Muppets”, but it’s against the rules. This is also the case for songs that are popular because of rides at theme parks. Don’t want to point fingers.

  • Must be DISNEY

This should go without saying. But I have seen plenty of people claim “Anastasia” to be a Disney product. Anastasia is a god damn masterpiece of a movie (with one of the best soundtracks ever. Every Disney song dodged a bullet), but it’s not Disney. That’s all Fox. What’s that? You think I’m lying about how good the music is? Fine, you asked for it. Just remember YOU did this, not me.

 

  • Must be a theatrical release. No straight to DVD

This rule was a bit sketchy for me. I wasn’t always sure what went straight to theaters or which ones went to DVD/VHS. I’ll tell you what. To qualify you had to be on this list. Again, my apologies to Aladdin 2 and 3. The Return of Jafar and King of Thieves had some pretty catchy tunes. But none of them come close to this gem from The Lion King 2: SImba’s Pride

 

  • Must be an original song. Not a cover

Okay. This was a tricky one.  And I definitely broke this rule somewhere on the list. But what I’m trying to say is that the song can’t be an already popular song. Like “Life is a Highway” is one of “Cars” bigger hits. Sadly that song has been around before the Rascal Flats or whoever covered it. The same goes for “Shake Ya Tail feather” on the “Chicken Little” soundtrack. “Fantasia” is one of the most popular Disney films ever, mostly because of the music. Not a part of this list. The song could still be sung by a famous band/singer (Elton John anyone), it just has to be an original they produced for the film. Like I said…I may have broken this rule. And if I did, it was for a hell of a song. I hope.

  • Must be a movie. No television

Clearly this should be named the Phineas and Ferb rule. That show has some fantastic songs that probably should be on this list but can’t because it’s a TV show. They put out a movie? Well now…that’s interesting.

  • Pixar Allowed

Obviously this should be brought up. I don’t necessarily consider Pixar to be Disney. It’s like how some people don’t consider Arnold Schwarzennegger to be an American citizen. I mean he is. Those people are just idiots. Anyways, Disney bought Pixar so they are part of the family. And need to be considered. It would feel wrong not to have them in here.


 

It’ll certainly be tough when it comes to ranking. I will take into consideration how popular the movie is. If you are a great song carrying a great movie, you have a better chance than a great song that’s in a so/so flick. Also, songs that are in the film I hold in higher regard than covers of said songs. Example. ” A Whole New World” film version will always be better than ” A Whole New World” Peabo Bryson version. Don’t know who Peabo Bryson is? You will find out my friend.

Those are pretty much the only rules I could think of. The rest is fair game. One hundred and twenty of the best songs Disney has ever released. It’s all up to me to put them in the right order. There are plenty of story lines for this tournament (is it a tournament? I don’t know. Deathmatchlist?). Will a song from a major conference win (The Lion King, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast)? Maybe some of the lesser known gems will step up. Will the old veterans (Snow White, Pinocchio, etc.) be able to hang around with the new hot shots (Frozen, Tangled, etc)? Who is the ultimate Disney singer, Elton John or Phil Collins (or Billy Joel)?!

This will most likely take up months of my life, so I hope readers other than myself take some joy in this. At least get angry about how terrible of a job I did. If anything, I hope this leads some of you to watch a few of these movies like you did in decades past. Or even some you decided not to watch (cough TANGLED cough). You don’t have to watch as many of them as I do (that’s weird), but just for nostalgia if nothing else. I’ll leave you with the same thing I told my parents years ago. “I’m not gay. I just really, really love Disney.”. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. With homosexuality. There’s plenty wrong with still liking Disney…

Next time – Songs 120-116